Awake

The alarm like a firecracker being lit off right next to my head.
My hand swings over and
smack
click
shut up.
Opening my eyes, like dragging my feet through hot sand.
Dry and irritated making me want nothing more than
to close them tight again and never open.
Rolling over feels as if I’m breaking every bone that is trapped beneath my skin.
My arm gets crushed and
shatter
crack
groan.
Pulling away the sheets is like tearing every inch of my skin off.
The air surrounding me hits the now open wound and
swish
crinkle
I’m frozen.
My feet touch the ground as forcefully as a toddler’s.
Like I’m learning how to walk again
stumble
crunch
I can do it.
Standing forces me to grind my teeth like a coyote.
Relying on myself is facing another to fight for food.
I walk to my bathroom as slowly as a car through rush hour traffic.
City. Country.
I have both in my blood.
Brushing my teeth like having molars pulled from my mouth while being interrogated.
swipe
crack
I can’t do it.
Spiting is as pain-inducing as alcohol touching my lost molars.
swish
cry
I give up.
Water in the shower running down my body is like pebbles on the top of my head.
sprinkle
clink
I can’t stop.
The soap against my skin feels like warm butter as it slides down my body.
Finally something can welcome me.
As I step out of the door the sun greats me like a fire consuming a forest.